Dealing with loneliness concerns more than just being alone and it certainly gets different in a time when we communicate online more and more while relations are taking place on a global basis in the social media environment. We constantly meet strangers in the online world, we have never before met in person but many people around the globe are living alone and have to handle this loneliness.

If you feel lonely you are certainly not alone but how to handle loneliness can be a real challenge.

The trend of freelancing and working from home is not making this situation about feeling lonely any better for most of us and .

What are you doing during all the time when nobody is around?

Main Topics of This Article about Loneliness

• Dealing with Loneliness after a separation
• Personal Experience of living with loneliness
• How to be Happy again in Life
• How can I overcome Loneliness
• Joining a Network Online
• Participating in local meetups

Dealing with Loneliness after a Separation

When I separated from my ex-wife after 8 years of marriage it was hard for me to accept, that I was living in loneliness for a long time already inside of a relationship.

Personal Experience of Living with Loneliness

I am writing this on a Sunday evening while being alone at home and I just experience, that it is really hard to write about this topic.

Somehow I feel lonely but at the same time, I still don’t feel comfortable being around too many people. Partly this is because of my health issues but The feeling of failure, not working, having no money to spend, having no network anymore and being isolated is not very motivating but at the same time, being alone currently feels save as I don’t have to justify for everything happening in my life.

I am not the type of person who likes and enjoys small talk. I am more of an introvert and I like private conversations about deeper topics. It is not easy to be an introvert and it doesn’t make it easier if you like to constantly inform yourself about any topic as I do.

When I studied Physics at the University I found out, that this is a field of science, driving you into an abstract direction of thinking and few people can share this world with you. It certainly was one of the reasons, why I dropped out and ended my career as a scientist.

I didn’t want to lose the connection to normal people and dig even deeper into this abstract space. Programming is no better when it comes to a theoretical world, created in my mind. It makes you constantly think logically and sets you apart from the masses.

These theories are a lonely place to be and it certainly is not about just being alone physically. I found, that for many introverts it is very difficult to step out of things and concepts we create in our mind and find pleasure on little things.

When I broke up with my ex-wife I instantly found out, that I had been lonely for a long time already in my relationship. We are very different and while I lived in an abstract world of building businesses, programming systems and implementing concepts, she had a need for being around friends and just getting together.

Due to my illness, my independent working from home and the problems in my relationship I closed myself out more and more from a social life.

At the time I had almost completely lost interest in people. The changing environment and attitudes of our influencer plastic society stroke me hard on top of it. The entire hype of selfies and fake society, where everyone just presents the best self to dub the weakness and vulnerability is disgusting and I feel so far from this world.

How to be Happy again in Life

The entire online world seems to celebrate happiness, but what if you can’t find it for yourself?

I sometimes feel jealous of my father. He is a person who can find joy in any little detail. As an example, he was always fascinated by carpenter machines and checking them out in stores. Currently, the girls of my sister are growing up in a three generations household and he has a collection of stickers, books, toys, and anything kids could dream of. Needless to say, the girls love their grandfather as much as I love him and it is a positive feedback loop as their joy and spirit grow his own happiness and motivation further.

Unfortunately I can’t find this joy and happiness as easy as he does. I carry some part of his being in my personality but my abstract, spiritual side and perfectionism is a lot stronger.

During the deepest moments of my depression I was watching different motivational speakers and their solutions to find happiness but they hardly resonated with me.

I had traveled the world and seen many beautiful places, I searched the kick of adrenaline in extreme sports but I had to become clear that it doesn’t make me happy. I don’t like to go shopping for cloth or gadgets and few material things trigger my happiness. I like to have a good camera or a good computer to achieve something with it and I spend my money on things I need to progress in my projects and my business.

There is a philosophic slogan I feel very attracted: “I am building an enlightened house to live”.

This is very much what my life is all about. I started to build my company when I was 25 and during my relationship, we had built a house abroad and I somehow had a second home and a family there. When we broke up, this part, together with all the projects I had built with my ex-wife broke away and it left me with a deep emptiness in my soul.

The things that trigger motivation and happiness inside of me are deep discussions on selected topics and developing ideas to progress on long-term projects. Fortunately, I share these desires with my mother and my business partner and I am incredibly grateful to have these connections in my life.

I am living between this abstract, theoretical and sometimes spiritual world, but at the same time, I have the desire to bring abstract ideas down to the ground and implement them to achieve a very real result. I have visions and missions that constantly drive me forward and the biggest reason for my depression was, that I was driven away from my visions constantly.

Many times I struggle with the issue, that I can’t find joy in little things as my father does, but progressing through my depression I had to accept this part of my personality.

Through the SFM network of entrepreneurs, I joined in 2016 and by getting in touch with other entrepreneurs in the online space I found out, that many thriving individuals struggle with loneliness, perfectionism and accomplishing a greater vision are common amongst us.

Maybe celebrating small achievements can help you to let go sometimes and find moments of happiness …

Maybe it is perfection that drives you into a lonely space …

Maybe meditation helps you to at least find inner peace …

When I was left alone I started to communicate with old friends and found out, that some of them had struggled as well big time. Losing a beloved friend, partner or a family member, suffering in a relationship of violence, burning out due to perfectionism to name some reasons.

If you struggle, you are not alone!

I am 40 years old and I am struggling with getting back into the corporate world after 2 years of absence from work and almost 6 years working as a freelancer. Finding the job I would love to do in the corporate world is difficult. In most cases recruiters and HR want somebody with a straight CV, 10 years of experience and 25 years old. You get the picture.

What if I were in my 50’s? Everybody knows that in today’s world if you lose your job at this age you have almost no chance to get another job in the corporate world.

Without a job in the corporate world it is even more difficult to overcome loneliness. In a job, at least you have people around, possibly contact with clients, you go for lunch together …

By working from home you need to organize yourself. The good thing is, that times are changing. Co-working spaces are opening up.

You can find events in your surrounding about many different topics through sites like meetup.com.

I really think, happiness is the key to overcome loneliness as it attracts those, who you actually need in your environment.

I haven’t found my happiness until now but I am definitely searching for it!

How To Find A Network Of Likeminded People?

I was never lucky to find good friends at work in a male surrounding of programmers and business guys. What I found here in Switzerland is mostly about the competition on different levels in a business environment. I certainly missed the personal aspects in discussions.

The globalization and social media open up a completely new dimension to find likeminded people all over the world. In the space of entrepreneurship it turns out, that most of these individuals are actually introverts and they struggle with similar issues as I just described.

Fortunately in this connected world we are living in, there are ways to find likeminded people through the internet, who share a certain desire, visions and missions.

Most of the successful entrepreneurs we can see online are actually introverts who stepped out of their comfort zones and communicated their interests and their problems they are dealing with on a daily basis.

If you keep your thoughts private, nobody will know you exist but if you find the courage to stand out and communicate what you constantly deal with, you become valuable for those who deal with similar issues as yourself in life.

Writing, audio and pictures are possibly your first choice as an introvert but without communicating through video it might not be enough.

At the SFM Community, we have a 90-day video journey.

It is a private Facebook group where everybody who participates uploads longer and shorter videos over 90 days.

Going out into the free online space directly and uploading your videos to Facebook or Youtube could be the way you choose but maybe a more private feedback group is more what helps you overcome the fear of presenting yourself on camera and standing out.

It took me more or less 30 days to become comfortable speaking into the camera and finding the best angles and the surrounding I feel comfortable with.

How To Find The One Person To Spend Life With?

After breaking up with my ex-wife I had a time when I was looking for dates and started to try all kinds of different dating platforms as I wanted to overcome loneliness.

I installed Tinder, started using Parship and Elite Partner, networks relevant in the space of dating here in Switzerland.

I didn’t find what I was looking for, but not because I still practice an old-fashioned mindset, to meet the person I want to spend time with in the offline space. Absolutely not. What I found is a space of integrity and fear to stand out in public and to find the one person based on certain criteria of the dating app system.

What I am looking for can’t be described by similar habits or desires.

I really think, that we have the chance to stand out online to the public. Dating is a form of selfmarketing. Those who are brave enough to get in front of the camera to communicate their visions and missions attract those who really care for our space.

At the current moment I am still ending my old stories but I am starting to become brave and stand out of the crowd.

Conclusions

It is hard for any introvert to get in front of the camera and learn how to communicate. Not getting in front of the camera is most certainly the reason for being lonely!

At least for me, there are moments in life when I went into some sort of a lone wolf mode to really find out, what life is about for me. It is not easy but it may be worth to take a timeout now and then to recapture what it really is all about for you.

If you are an introvert and you are looking for a private community I can just encourage you to subscribe with your email and become part of my network.

It is all about overcoming this fear of standing out and stepping out into the unknown.

The post How To Handle Loneliness? appeared first on When I Fail.

Most of the time success is measured by the money someone had been able to generate. Others define it by the level of happiness achieved. Others define it by longterm wealth. Others define it by the awards they receive.

How do you define success?

I failed miserably in all of my projects until now when being measured by these criteria. 

Measured By Uniqueness

I am 40 years old now, so there is still a long way to go in life and I just started over again.

Keep in mind, that the average age of entrepreneurs, starting their way to success is around 40 years.

I don’t call my past projects failures. I call them tests and tasting while the world was not ready for my longterm goals.

I identify patience as one of my most important concepts. You need one shot to get it done right when it all comes together. This is the way I live, while my entire family lives a constant career as teachers, accumulating wealth like it is probably more secure to do, while they spent a large amount of their energy on a very social mission by helping those in difficult situations.

I do not have a mindset of a scientist or engineer. I don’t even want to experiment at the beginning of a technological revolution. This is too risky to be a part of, as some get really wealthy but most will fail big time and struggle to recover.

Participating in the experimental phase is annoying and stressful so I leave this to the real geniuses who want to discover and explore new grounds. I got an insight into this early phase in development with AI, when a friend of mine introduced me to a course of AI and robotics in 2002 at the university. Then it was just a scientific game and I did not touch the topic anymore until 2016 when it became relevant due to the speed of computers and the new possibilities of automation.

Failure Is Your Biggest Asset To Achieve Success

Due to my illness, there was a time when I was not able to work. If I have had a job at the time I would possibly have struggled less, but it is very difficult to present for a job when you should be strong and you are not.

It takes me longer to recover than I could have imagined as skin problems take a long time to heal completely. There have been many experiences during the process I would not miss at all. 

What does not kill you makes you stronger.

There is no way to make these experiences I went through in a classical career.

The Trap Of Fast Success

Concerning success I think we need to get a step back and think about, if we really want it to be the mindset of our generation to just make success about more money and get rich at a young age like some big Youtube-, Facebook- and Instagram stars have demonstrated.

Is it healthy to think of success just as financial achievments?

I just read a story about a 19 years old kid who’s ideal it was to create and run a Billion $ company. Then he failed and it took him years to overcome his failure.

The case of winning a lottery is very connected to this situation of fast success. Everyone wants to win the lottery, right? Statistics, unfortunately, show, that most of those who win the lottery will spend the new fortune without any plan and get back into where they came from. It can get even worse if these individuals use their wealth as security for credits and by not understanding the system they get thrown into a deadly depth spiral. 

Working Hard To Master Life

I really prefer to work hard for my achievements and go through all the suffering it takes to master life.

In my point of view, the most difficult thing is to know what you truly want to do with your life and find a way to deal with all the challenges we face in our daily routines. 

What is it you want to live for?

What is it that makes you happy or satisfied?

How much do you actually need?

Are you ready to do what it takes to achieve your satisfaction?

Are you ready to start over and transform it all completely again and again?

For me transforming over and over again is the essence of my life and I am sure your essence is different than mine!

Measure Your Success By Helping Others

I think we should measure our success in making others happy on earth and try to create a healthy environment for all of us, not getting the most out for myself.

When I had enough energy and some money I always supported others, but I had to learn one very important thing! 

You can only provide real help over a longer period of time and be a rock in the breakwater if you are financially and mentally stable and independent.

A Discussion Of Values

In a global sharing economy we are moving into, values and the possibility of accumulating wealth are shifting in comparison to the old offline world.

We are a lot more exposed to the public and have to deal with comments, likes and critics.

I think, one of the biggest questions concerning our own valuation is the question: AM I WORTH IT?

This question implicates many questions about our own shame and fears of stepping into the unknown and finding out about our own value.

To risk failure, be it in the work environment or on the personal side by getting into a relationship is crucial to make success happen! If you just stay in the secure space and do what you are supposed to do, you will not be able to fall.

Here in Switzerland, we practice a culture, where failing is a lot more difficult than in places like the USA. If you fail in business it is a lot more difficult to get back up and do it over again as for example, we have a different legal framework concerning bankruptcy. You can’t declare bankruptcy, walk away from the loss you created and start over again. The depth will stay to a certain level.

The job market as well is very much focused on a straight CV in a very conservative way.

I was at a job interview lately and the recruiter started to go through my CV (she had an older version present and didn’t even study it before the appointment) and she was just looking for a straight career. My life is everything else than straight and I did many things at the same time, had different contracts as a freelancer and built my business while running many different projects.

It still doesn’t count in the jobmarket here if you are ready to take a risk and expose yourself to experience failure.

Does it count for me? Do I value myself for what I did?

Sure I do! I did more than many others who sticked to the plan and by trying out different things I tapped into the unknown.

I really think we are missing out big time in our society by not valuing those who are ready to take risks and try out new things. This conservativism I experience here in Switzerland will most probably kick us in the but soon with the accelerating speed of development. It is certainly slowing us down when it comes to innovation.

Conclusions

Success is not a one time event! Success is mastering the challenges in life over time!

In a time where many people will lose their jobs and will experience a certain failure I really think we have to find new definitions of success in our society.

We see those who are just working for their own pockets as stars. They made it, but did their accumulated wealth make them happy?

Would money alone make you happy or do you have to work also on many other issues in your life to find happiness?

How do you measure your success and failure in life?

The post Success And Failure appeared first on When I Fail.

If others help you in such a situation it could create some dependence. Make sure to honor the time and effort of your friend but don’t avoid key topics that may also concern your relationship with this person.

If you find yourself in a longer depression or if you are just on your own you should really get professional help!

I am not trained in Psychology or anything similar! You are fully responsible for your actions and these are just ideas that might help in difficult times!

The challenge of different generations in our workforce, struggling with different topics needs to be addressed and we have to handle it as a society while it causes a lot of misunderstanding.

85% of working people on an international basis are not happy at work and we are heading into a time when we all will be challenged by potentially losing our job. Relationships are not lived the same way anymore, as they have been some decades ago. We live in a time of the emancipation of women and men, where we have to change concepts of living together and finding new ways of how families are living together.

It might help you to know, that many people go through a depression in their lives but most of us get through these difficult moments. We don’t just overcome these moments but they help us redefine ourselves and they make us stronger because they require us to work on our self-awareness.

Burnouts and depressions are not kept in private anymore and I am absolutely convinced we have to talk about these topics.

Solution 1

Close Old Chapters And Stop Any Unnecessary Actions Attached To It

If you feel that the hamster wheel you are constantly running in causes symptoms like constant anger, loss of joy, sleepless nights, crunching teeth at night, any kind of loss of appetite, fear, bad dreams or anything similar, it might be time to take action and head for a change!

It might not be the easy way but as you can read in this article it can have longlasting implications if you keep the wheel spinning.

Maybe it is your job, maybe it is your relationship, maybe it is your own perfectionism. Self awareness can only grow if you start working on yourself.

Many people in the corporate world are facing stress and long hour work weeks. Transportation and distances from home to work are getting more stressful.

Maybe there are other solutions for you in the digital world. Maybe you have to take strong decisions and finish with the past.

Take a different view on your life!

You can change things if you are willing to!

You are not a hopeless case, there are better options than just spinning the wheel!

Find a way to get out of your current circumstances!

Solution 2

Take Your Time, Find The Root Cause And Don’t Blame Others

If you are in the middle of a burnout or any other form of depression you should definetely take a timeout!

There is never time for a timeout!

Ask yourself what happens if you keep doing what you currently do?

Ask yourself what will happen as a worst case if you take a timeout? Will this worst case be real?

What could be the BEST case if you take a timeout?

Your problem and your situation is not made up by others!

Your life got you into this situation to make you learn your lessons.

If your boss treats you bad you have the chance to resign.

If your relationship does not work or in a worst case you are even exposed to violence you have the chance to end it and get a divorce.

Others have to handle their life and it is not your problem to judge how they do it.

Solution 3

Change The Location

There have been two moments in my process when I changed location. It certainly did not solve the problem but it helped me progress through the process.

The first time I stood up for myself and finally went for a longer vacation of 2 months. A surf trip to Costa Rica. This most probably was the beginning of the ending. I found out, that I could not resolve things just by taking a break. I couldn’t find happiness at that moment, even if it was a beautiful time and at least it charged my batteries.

The second time I was in the middle of my depression. I had the chance to start working in another town. I had to ride for more than an hour by train each way. It was really important for me to get into another space and get around other people.

Maybe take a job in another city and move there for some time …

Solution 4

Find A Repetitive Task You Plan Every Day

If you experience a complete lost of power and desire it migth help you to get some structure into your day.

Some ideas here:

Writing a journal for 15 minutes every day.

Shooting a short video every day and upload it to a private space on the internet.

Starting the day with a meditation or a gratitude exercise.

I am not a religious person but if you believe in any god prayers can be a help in difficult times.

Solution 5

Find A Person Outside Your Normal Circle To Talk

When I went to Costa Rica I met an old friend I had lost contact and it was very good to talk about different topics than what I struggled with and get some feedback from an outside perspective. He also went through a very hard time and provided lots of insights from a different perspective.

Then, after my divorce I also reconnected with many old friends and started to chat again and it certainly helped my to get my thoughts spinning in other directions again.

It was a real help for me to have joined the SFM Community during the final stages of my marriage. I had built networks, communities and my profiles in the social medias based on common friends with my ex-wife. It was very important for me to have a place for exchange with people who had no connection with me.

Solution 6

Go Consult A Psychologist

It very much depends on your case and how deep you got into a depression.

I was lucky to have my mother on my side who is trained in many fields of psychology and always supported me. I had long talks with her on the phone every day and I am very grateful that she took her time to go through these moments with me. My parents have been the only ones I involved in the problems of my relationship.

I think, my case is probably different from many, as the main issue I had to face is my illness and it mainly drives me crazy, how long it takes until my skin recovers. I resist accepting that these problems last forever and I have prove that they go away.

What I have to manage is my exposure to stress situations and how I manage them. For me it is not about the volume of work. Contrarily, I love to work and dig deep into a problem. Somehow I even work myself out of this depression by writing, setting up websites and being creative. What I struggle with and what affects me is the conservative mindset in our society and all the blocks people have when it comes to adapt to new methods and technologies.

Even so, there was a moment, when I needed to discuss topics of my relationship with my parents with them. I needed a different opinion about the case and mainly just to have somebody listening, so I went to see a psychologist and it provided me the confidence to bring all the topics to the table. It was difficult for me and it was difficult for them but we certainly could bring our relationship to a different level.

To talk to a psychologist is nothing bad or a demonstration of weakness. It is most probably an important step for you during the time of a depression. Don’t worry about the outcome, it will take you a step further in your process out of a difficult situation and back into life.

Solution 7

Get Out Into Nature Frequently

Nature can be a very important place to be. I personally really need the energy of the sun and it has a very strong implication on me.

Going out into the forest for long walks but also getting in touch with animals can provide healing energy.

Solution 8

Write A Blog Or A Book To Stop Spinning Thoughts

After breaking up it took me a while to get over the problems that have been retained during the last time of my marriage when we had reduced communication to the most necessary. Then later on the job I got into for 6 month helped me to switch my focus completely.

Being left without a job and still not through the healing process completely caused a fall back into a deep depression again but it did not last too long.

There was a moment when my mind got clear about all the thoughts that have been spinning in my head for a long time, mainly about the current developments in our society and the fast changing transformation into a digital world.

I started to write down all my thoughts and make a book out of it and it was a very healing process to get order into spinning thoughts.

I think it is very effective to write down anything that is covering your mind to get it out of your way of progress.

I remember when my sister was younger she had bad dreams about a wolf and woke up afraid at night, so my mother told her to paint the wolf. I don’t remember well what happened afterward but the wolf didn’t pop up anymore.

I didn’t finish the book until now but it wasn’t actually my goal to have it done fast. It was more of a starting point to get my mind sorted. I always used to say, that the hard drives of my computer are an extension of my brain, so if I save it, I don’t have to remember the details actively as I know where they are to recapture them in any given moment.

Solution 9

Write Down Your Ideal Day And Follow Up In A Journal

By writing down your ideal day you connect to a positive outlook in your life. This is actually a method you learn if you get through the starting modules of the SFM education system I joined in 2016.

I think it is a really important tool to provide you with a new mission in life.

Many people create abstract goals in their lives like earning a million and they have no plan on how to achieve it. These ideas put pressure on you without a need and they are actually counterproductive when it comes to achieving goals or getting out of a difficult moment in life.

Most of us don’t need a lot of money to achieve freedom in life and there are many other things that are a lot more important, mainly family and friends.

After writing down your ideal day it might help you to follow up daily with a journal about the steps you took to get closer to your goal, even if they are small.

Getting out of a depression or a burn out is not a long jump or a sprint. It is a step by step process and more like a marathon!

Solution 10

Reconnect With The Past When Things Have Still Been Good

When everything broke over my head it was not just the breakup in my relationship, it was also concerning the changes in our world.

Everything became so damn organized and I really miss the old times of smoky Jazz Clubs and when parties went on until early in the morning. Maybe it is just me, but nowadays as I see it everything established to be a business and it is so clean. Even in Cuba where I had shot my documentaries, things are more controlled and the beautiful ambiance of music in the streets is getting lost. When watching TV series everything is perfectly optimized in HQ and it certainly looks unreal and boring. Same with our selfie world where people represent just beauty while most of them are miserable.

I miss the imperfection in our world but I decided, that it is up to me what game I play.

When I had finished with the divorce I started to cut video clips of old material of my good times on a daily bases and listened to my old LP collection of Jazz Music from the 60s.

This certainly helped me to find my way back into the current time and finding the energy again to overcome my disguise for the current development that had control over me during this time.

Currently I start getting along with the new world and I am willing again to provide my part to it.

In our globally connected world, we have the possibility to find others with similar interests and it is up to each one of us to make the world the place we want it to be.

Solution 11

Reconnect To Old Goals

So many of us have a bucket list of goals we wanted to achieve.

Then life happened and we had to postpone them until we forgot about them.

It is time to remember about the dreams you had and the things you wanted to achieve.

Write them down and find a way to cross them out of your bucket list. If your dreams are big, be ready to put in the work to make them become reality.

Solution 12

Go Out To Party

Before my relationship, I went out to dance almost every night and I stopped almost completely during the time of my marriage. This happened to many friends in relationships and people start appearing on the dance floor after breaking up.

It took me some time to go out again after breaking up, mainly because sweating on the dancefloor hurt badly. After some time I started to go out to dance more frequently again.

I really missed dancing as it was and still is a great passion of mine.

If you never learned to dance you might want to take some lessons …

Solution 13

Stop Using Drugs To Get Your Head Cleaned Up

In many cases drugs are part of the process of overcoming a failure or a breakup. In the time when I canceled myself out of social life I smoked a lot of pot but when it all ended I stopped from one day to the other and became completely clean. I never liked to drink as I don’t like if my head spins and my brain doesn’t work properly.

Fortunately I never had a real problem with addiction and I didn’t even struggle to end smoking pot. I just wanted my head completely straight to get up again.

Solution 13

Find A Way To Be Of Value To Our Society And Help Others

In the first parts of my depression, I had lost almost complete interest in others. The network I had built during my relationship was not concerned about topics I care about and I cut off all old connections quietly.

Since I started my education with SFM and my research in the world of online marketing I was aware that the new global and digital world is called the sharing economy for a reason.

It is all about sharing your knowledge and connect with others through providing value in the difficult situations they are going through.

But what value can you provide if you have failed, if you fucked up and if you are too weak to get out of your apartment?

What I found is, that it is all about your story in life. You are not the only one struggling and most probably there will be many more people in our society who will struggle over the next decades and need solutions for their problems.

I learned the following point of view recently:

Ask yourself how you feel by exposing your weakness? Most people value this as a failure!

Ask yourself how you feel about others who are exposing their weakness? Most people value this as brave, touching and even heartbreaking!

The post Some Ideas To Getting Out Of Depression appeared first on When I Fail.

Stress and pressure cause the strangest reactions!

Take the signs seriously if your body or brain starts behaving crazy! Don’t take it lightly!

It was 6 years ago when my best friend told me during an artist tour we organized, that I should take care of myself. I had some acne pimple in my face and at the back of my head then, that would last for quite a long time and not go away.

I went to see a dermatologist and he handed me out a cream, telling me to come back if there would be no change. He told me, that this form of acne symptoms was caused by infected hair roots. Infected hair roots normally don’t heal, our body wants them out of the organism.

I am not the guy who likes to go to see doctors and I kept using the cream but it actually didn’t get better.

When I called for an appointment again the same doctor was not available and I went to see the other doctor at his surgery. The lady recommended a strong treatment called roccutane with strong side effects, documented online and I did not pass the treatment as the outcome was described to be quite inconsistent.

I was checking for solutions online and found, that acne can be caused by certain food ingredients. I tried every change in my diet but there was no actual change to the problem.

By now I have just one explanation of what caused the symptoms: Stress and pressure!

The Beginning

I was 3 years into marriage and my partner came from a foreign country. She had no idea about all the things I was working on but a very strong character. She was quite anxious to try new things and kept holding on to the things she knew. While I was concerned about helping her to explore and find what she loved to do and integrated her in all my projects, she had no idea about how to live here and almost from the beginning on we had strong arguments.

I was flexible enough to prioritize her projects and try to build a business out of it by testing what works and what doesn’t.

When tests showed, that a project could not be successful I had no chance to convince her to drop the project and change the direction and angle. To avoid disasters I had to handle things I don’t like and I don’t feel comfortable with. Looking back I learned these things like graphic design and administration the hard way and they are part of my skillset now.

At the time I was working part-time in my actual profession as an IT Support and Consultant but things were difficult as the CEO of the company took off and I became a freelancer. Freelancing then was an unknown field for me and it was certainly not helping me to stabilize, secure our income and reduce stress.

At the time I handled translations, negotiations, online presence and artist tours besides serving my clients as a freelancer and programming an entire system.

I had no certainty about a job and the income was way below of what was necessary to cover all the expenses caused by the projects and our lives.

When Health Issues Hit Me For Real

The artist tours have been a success concerning the presence at the events, but not financially. I was looking for a job in an environment when the economy was very unstable. The digital transformation started to become a topic and everybody was trying to get an idea of what is coming.

At the same time, my partner had the idea to launch a festival and we had discussed the case with business partners. We then had also organized time-consuming tours with tourists to her native country. The conclusion for me concerning a festival was quite clear to be a “no go” but she progressed with the idea behind my back. The moment came when I told her to not count on my help if she wants to do it and she confirmed to progress with the idea and handle it on her own.

Then I had the luck to find a part-time job as a programmer at an agency while my face was covered by acne symptoms. I didn’t feel comfortable to show off in public as anyone could see that there was something wrong with my health and life.

In our society you need to be strong as a man to get a good job and you can’t fail.

I was requested to take a picture of mine by the agency for their website and I waited for a moment when it was at least not too bad and could be reworked in Photoshop.

The stress and pressure around finance and multitasking approached a tipping point.

I had a part of 2 square centimeters in my skin being an open wound. Hairs of my beard as well as their roots have been itching and I bunked them off with a pair of tweezers.

When the festival approached, the team of organizers of the festival had not managed to create a flyer and other marketing material. 10’000 $ have been at stake on our personal account and we had been almost broke, so I had to organize the graphic design of the flyer. I hate doing graphic design work for clients as I just don’t feel comfortable with it. Due to the visual character of it, everybody has a proper opinion which makes it difficult to get a consensus.

I had shot and produced a full feature documentary but hadn’t started the distribution jet, as I was not up to produce it on DVD in an old world setup. As it was not out in the markets and I had to postpone it in favor of other projects, nobody knew about my work. At the time I was in the middle of the process of programming the website for the company and the online download of the documentary.

Starting the process of producing marketing material for the festival, a flyer was required but then it became obvious that a logo was needed first. I managed to create both over 1 month of communicating back and forth, spending almost 100% of my time on this task while postponing my other clients. The arguments went on in my relationship, same as stress and pressure.

BOOM – BURNED OUT!

This was the moment when I told my partner to not count on me anymore for her projects.

I looked bad at the time and kept pushing myself to finish the website for the company, cutting a new trailer for the documentary and finishing the final production with subtitles in 5 languages.

She kept organizing tourist trips and had 15 projects at the time while she was not able to handle one of them at full. It was time for her to become independent.

Our arguments had been constant almost from the beginning but during this process, they became even more annoying. When we have been abroad we have been working under pressure and there was absolutely no time for recreation and vacation over 6 years. I found no understanding for my situation.

I finished the website of the company as well as the production of the documentary and managed to launch the distribution online during fall 2016.

At the time I found an education in Online Marketing and Entrepreneurship that helped me to market the documentary, bring the trailer viral on Facebook and sell a bunch of online downloads.

I had completely lost perspective in the business world at the time but due to this education, I managed to change perspective and find new approaches to transition into the digital economy.

In the process of becoming independent, my partner had become used to asking me for technical help in very low frequencies of sometimes 5 minutes. If I did not react, she started to insist and if I did not get up from the things I was working on to help her, she started the next argument.

I am no angel and I was part of the arguments. I shout louder and I win any argument if I have to, even if I don’t like to be that person. I was in the position of a father, a teacher, a husband, a boss, and a mentor while I had the full responsibility about finances and our wellbeing.

The moment came, when I was in such a bad shape, that I just did not react anymore while my health had reached the bottom. The acne symptoms had moved from my face to the back of my head. They pressured my nerves and almost paralyzed me.

I worked for one goal: Vacation!

As my partner was not willing to give me anything back for all the work I had done for her and her career over the years I made her treat my wounds on my head to at least help me with my health. She didn’t want to help me out with it first, but then finally did it over quite some time and at least it helped in some aspects but couldn’t get me back on track.

I know it is not easy to gift me something as I am not very attracted by materialistic stuff. What I needed from her was time and to stop arguing about everything. By default, I don’t ask anybody for anything as I got along quite well but during these times I had to get back to my parents for financial support. Even so, I am a strong believer, that a relation can just work if both parties provide and receive more or less equally. If this is not guaranteed there will be suffering most certainly.

She is no bad person, she is just very egocentric and looking back, she just didn’t understand concepts of equality and giving/taking the same way I do. I know that she suffered a lot as well and she was stressed and overwhelmed all the time.

Midterm Recreation

After finishing the work on the documentary and the website for the company, I took a break and went for a surf trip to Costa Rica. Over the years she had taken a lot more vacation (maybe 3-4 months more) than I did, so it was time for me to compensate and I went on my own. This caused another big argument and she finally took a vacation as well at the same time.

Being almost broke, no real job in sight and in a horrible health situation it was a difficult decision to give myself a break!

I managed to heal the wounds at least as far, that I could travel. It was the first time I could at least think about traveling to another country as I was worried about infections. I didn’t do any sports at the time as sweating was causing a lot of pain on the wounds. I didn’t go out anymore and my social life had collapsed then.

The sun and the salt of the sea, as well as the body activity, helped me overcome at least a great part of the symptoms and I had a lot of time to think about, what I want to do with my life.

When I came back from my surf trip I was stronger but the problems haven’t been solved jet and the health issues came back.

In April she decided to book a vacation for a month over July/August while I had still no outlook for a job or an income and her income could not cover our expenses by far. She bought the flight without even asking me as a reaction on my long awaited vacation on my own.

This was the moment when I closed chapters of the relation and just waited for an end to come. It was then about working it out or end it. Looking back, I was not ready to provide my part to this relation anymore. I sat on the couch, studying and not available for anything anymore. I was completely blocked.

I closed myself out of the system as an introvert, didn’t care about my appearance or anything anymore and lost complete interest.

Standing under complete financial pressure for years, I hadn’t bought almost no cloth or anything for myself for 2 years.

Meanwhile she had become quite independent and found a network of friends. Unfortunately I had no interest in these friends as the topics of her network was far from mine.

She had planned another event for October 2017 and we had talked about the costs and budget. The event was planned to cost 2’500 $ and it was foreseen to get more or less 8’000 $ in return. The moment came when she pushed the costs for the event to 8’000 $ while possible earnings would have stayed the same.

One month before the event I had to take a decision for myself. I told her to decide: Cancel the event or to do it on her own responsibility which would require the divorce.

Her decision was the divorce.

It was a hard pill to take but finally I am glad she did take this decision as there was no solution to our different mindsets. We have both been very unhappy and just fighting for life.

I had struggled over these last months with a complete loss of an outlook of a better future and became suicidal. Together with the changes in our economy, my absence in the job market and my ongoing health issues, I had completely lost track and was at a point to be called depression.

At the time I had suppressed my feelings completely and looking back I was in the mode of a warier. I was smoking a lot of pot at the time to cancel myself out in surviver mode.

Cleaning Up

When we broke up it all fell down on my head.

I was 40, broke, had lost my career, failed completely, was still ill, left alone, had lost the woman I loved and a long relationship together with all the projects we had built over 8 years.

Above all problems my 6 years old computer stopped working, I fell from the sofa and sprained my ankle and everything went down the road for me.

Fortunately I could count on my parents and I have no idea how I would have overcome this entire time without their help.

At the same time, the breakup was a big relief. I was able to cry again and it was a very sad time in my life. I almost couldn’t leave the house without tears filling my eyes as my feelings got shaken completely. I stopped smoking pot just after the breakup to clean up my head and get back into reality.

You can argue about any aspect of love. About what it is and what it should be. Was it based in dependence? Was it a mission?

I think we sometimes just don’t know about the reason for an attraction we feel for another person. I still believe, that during the time we spent together, there was deep love from both sides. Unfortunately, we were just too different in many aspects and it did not work out.

We had lost trust during this last time of our relationship but at the end we fortunately found a way to manage a fast and clean divorce.

I hoped that my health issues would disappear with the end of the pressure in the relationship.

I was more controlled but after such a long time of self mistreatment there certainly was a lot more to come and I couldn’t get rid of the acne symptoms.

After the divorce I went to see other doctors and they provided me with more creams. Non of which helped. One cream closed the skin but below the hair roots became even worse and it all broke out again even more severe.

Still no ending

Over the time I had accumulated a lot of knowledge but I had no one to communicate and somehow it was all quite mixed up.

What changed the situation for me was, when I started writing a book about all my knowledge at the beginning of 2019.

Conclusion

I write down this story about a mix between burnout, depression, and illness to provide you with an idea what can happen if you don’t worry enough about your own interests, your energy, and your health.

I am aware for a long time that the skin is an organ, indicating the health of relations. I certainly struggle with finding people who share my interests and are open minded.

Fortunately, the internet provides us with many solutions to find our network and our tribe. The more you are willing to provide about yourself, the more you get back.

In a situation like the one I am in, it seems to be crucial to me to have a confident place to interact with others in similar situations. I am really grateful I found such a community!

My health issues are almost gone at the moment of this writing but skin problems take a very long time to heal. I am looking forward to overcome this downtime in my life and hope my story helps others to get through difficult times.

The post When Doctors Can’t Help You – It Is Time To Change! appeared first on When I Fail.

I had started an education in online marketing attached to the community I joined more than three years ago. All my websites and the entire backend to a series of projects was set up and ready to launch campaigns but they lacked personality.

When I found back to a part of my natural strength I started a video journey in a private environment to learn how to speak in front of the camera.

Speaking in front of a camara is one of the most useful skills anyone can learn in todays world. It was the start of the development of this brand. The message I want to bring to a world, where many people struggle and have to find way to deal with difficult situations in life became more and more specific.

At the moment of writing this, I am still in the trenches and did not start to launch my new self, but I have all my systems in place to hit back into life.

The post In The Trenches appeared first on When I Fail.

This caused a second part of the dispute with my family as it was foreseeable that I would need financial support again and I needed to know if I could count on them. I am lucky to have this support by my family and I know I should not take this for granted.

Unfortunately I couldn’t get rid of my health issues completely until this moment but the worst was over. My patience was exposed for a long time as skin problems need a long time to heal completely. I started to restructure my company and the websites of the projects I selected to follow up.

Around the same time I started going out again and connected back with the outside world while energy came back step by step.

The post Steps Forward appeared first on When I Fail.

The changes in our economy had left me without the desire to live. I went back in time in my memories during this journey, missing the old times of smoky Jazz Clubs and a less digital world. Still struggling with the current trends of perfection in our world, at least I found some ways to get around it and find back some joy in life.

Step by step I reconnected with old friends. I found out that others had gone through hard times as well. My attitude changed and I got softer and began to get a better understanding for the situation of others in the process.

Fortunately I found work as a contractor after more then half a year in this process. It was far away in another city, but I actually enjoyed getting out of town and out of my apartment. It was not easy to get back to work and it was certainly not the place where I felt comfortable. The office was at the ground floor and shutters got closed to avoid light on the computer screens. Almost everybody was working with headphones on. It mapped with my personal situation.

I had the chance to leave for holidays and meet my best friend abroad to talk about what had happened and straighten out the past.

The post Light At The End Of The Tunnel appeared first on When I Fail.

Due to several trade-offs during my relationship I had let down my best friends. I had only involved my parents into the difficulties of my relationship and was lucky to have my mother to talk, who helped me processing the past.

I had become an angry and insupportable person.

I wrote down everything that had been stuck in the final stage of the relationship. After the breakup I was lucky to get the divorce through fastest possible. By the end of 2017 I communicated the ending of our work relation online in a correct form without accusing anybody.

Almost completely alone I did not feel like meeting anybody. I was not communicating over social media with my network anymore at all.

Even if I had a good communication with my parents and my family who helped me through this entire time, there had been many topics left unspoken over the last years and I had to face difficult discussions.

Fortunately I had joined an online community in a completely different sector and besides the communication with my mother this became my only anchor.

The post In The Tunnel appeared first on When I Fail.

Sometimes there are moments in life when it just goes down and it does not look like it would ever get better.

Is it just a moment?

In my case it wasn’t just a moment. I should have listened to the signs long ago but I just had no chance to escape until my body did not resist the pressure anymore. Locked in a relationship, based on love, misunderstandings, different characters and constant arguments, there was a moment when I was just sitting on the couch and time passed by until the nightmare was finally over. I was trying to get my life together but what was the purpose. I could not define myself as a happy husband and my health went down the road over the final 2 years, ending with a divorce.

I was 40 when she left and my entire life broke down over my head. Projects we had built together became worthless. I had no power to stand up. Due to my health issues I had stopped working, and what was left, was an empty apartment and depth.

Would I have the power to get up again?

Would it be worth it to fight for life in a world filled with problems and drastic changes of values?

I live in an apartment on the seventh floor and I stood on the balcony many times, asking myself these questions, while facing the moment when my head would punch to the ground after a jump.

During the final time of my relationship, my heart got cold. When it finally was over, I could at least cry again to let go the long lasting blockages.

The post Total Failure – Burn Out appeared first on When I Fail.

The World has changed completely and opened up possibilities that did not exist when I started my entrepreneurial journey.

In this series of articles, I am introducing new ways on the internet to work when your job will get blown away through the disruption announced.

My ideas and statements are driven by real-life experiences, applicable to different situations and industries. They are not just theoretical constructs but lead to empirical theories that can be substantiated by statistics and common methods.

What are the products you could sell? What is your target Market? What is your plan? What is your sales strategy? What actions do you take?

The biggest problem to overcome in my point of view is the production process to get to a good product.

I spent 12 years producing my documentary. When I had it finished, I had no energy, no money, and no working sales strategy established to sell my product successfully.

This is a common problem for any producer and inventor and a reason why many product based startups fail.

What I knew from being a programmer was how to set up a website with a shop component to download the documentary file in 5 language versions and I built on this basis.

When I had the website set up and the trailer was ready so anything could be published I searched for techniques to sell the documentary online. By incident, I found an education, not just addressing the part of the online sales but getting deep into modern marketing strategies and entrepreneurship.

An entirely new world opened up for me.

These guys had rocked the market since 2008, made their millions online and started to teach in 2010.

As a first step, I learned how to promote my documentary on Facebook and Youtube by using the beautiful trailer for marketing purposes. With very little financial effort the trailer went viral on Facebook.

I was not willing to give the documentary away for free, so I charged 35$ for the download. This might have been a stupid thing to do in a era, when movies on Apple TV are sold for 9.50$. I had my reasons to do so, but selling more than 200 copies at a price tag of 35$ was more than expected.

What I just wrote is actually a complete game changer!

• I sold a digital product worldwide
• There was no work of mine involved in the sales process, once launched
• Sales were running 24/7
• Social Media Ads initiated the transfer of the clients to my website to trigger the sales process

This process just works and it is the basis for a complete shift in mindset!

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I actually had more or less 900 clicks on my website over 2 weeks while organic traffic also started to flow.

At the time I couldn’t handle the potential as I was still experimenting.

Even if the documentary is a historical evergreen piece of work and it keeps its value, I don’t see it as a great product according to my list here. It is just too cheap and this requires selling a big volume of the product to make good and lasting profits.

The second problem I faced was the audience. Most were not willing or able to pay.

As of today, I see the reason why the trailer went viral in one key factor. The documentary addresses the emancipation of the black culture which is quite a big topic.

Even so, it doesn’t solve a real problem and while in production mode and very influenced by the artist environment I was acting in, I did not reflect on this.

Big changes in the online world

In an early stage of the digital economy, there was a lot of try and error as well as spam and fraud involved in online selling.

Clients were burned through security issues when entering their credit cards. Products you ordered have not been delivered and it was all quite new and mystical.

I think we all agree that buying online has changed since the early stages of the digital economy and almost any transaction is made in the online space nowadays up to big amounts of money.

By accepting this reality the following statements are not out of reach anymore!

What if you could sell a completely digital product that provides you with 1000$ commissions per client?

Game changer!

What if you don’t have to produce this digital product but just make the referral to an interested client?

Game changer!

What I am describing is called high ticket sales of digital products as an affiliate.

There is absolutely no argument against selling high priced products online nowadays if they are worth the price.

A Tesla car can be bought online and it costs several 10000$.

You absolutely can produce a very expensive product and sell it online. If it is digital or if it is physical at the end is just a problem of setting up a different form of production and delivery.

If you start up with an online business in today’s world, producing your own product as a first step might not be the best idea. I discuss this at a later stage but it is absolutely possible.

This is the reason for me, why affiliate marketing is such a powerful business model.

Selling products as an affiliate is the equivalent to a classical store, selling retail- or digital products for a producer and earning a commission.

Maybe you have experienced this model already as Amazon is partly built on it and owes a big part of its success to it. If you register at Amazon Associates you can generate a special link to any product on the platform. If you promote the link on any of your channels and one of your referrals buys from Amazon you get a commission of 3-10% directly from Amazon.

This is a completely free strategy and for anybody in the third world, it can make a big difference concerning her/his income.

By registering, networking in social media and just promoting the link it can be the start of a great online career!

If your network would buy things on Amazon anyway you don’t do any harm to anybody by directing them to your website and promoting useful gadgets.

On the buyer side, if you plan to buy a product anyway, why would you not help out somebody who is affiliated to the producer company and gets his commission through you.

I don’t see anything potentially compromising in this online business model.

Thoughts about the marketing side

The early days of affiliate marketing when you could use Google AdWords and Facebook Ads at lowest prices are almost over and social media is getting crowded concerning easy marketing strategies. The first generation of affiliate marketers sells low priced products to a mass of clients. A product may cost 30$ and they make a commission of 5$ where they have to discount the marketing costs.

This is still a valid option but will it be sustainable when Ad costs and competition go up?

When I started with the implementation of my own online business in 2016 there was still a big confusion about online businesses with an affiliate model. Most people thought it was an MLM (Multi-Level Marketing) construct, a Snowball System or Network Marketing.

There is no direct connection between MLM constructs and Affiliate Marketing!

Online Affiliate Marketing is the modern way of Retail Sales. Nothing more and nothing less. Almost all variables of the old economy as written in my introduction are still valid. What changed is the tools and possibilities to become creative over the entire process and profit from all of these possibilities.

In my point of view and as far as my experience people don’t struggle with the limited possibilities anymore. The big challenge is to find the right approach that suits the personality, vision, and mission of a founder of an online business.

Most people around the globe still think in an old world setup and their switch into the digital economy is blocked by limiting beliefs, principals learned in the past and prejudging.

When you understand how the current world works you see that it is not so different from the old world but with so many more opportunities.

What is your experience with the digital economy?

In the next part of this series, I dig into the topic of different income streams online.

The post The New World – Online Businesses appeared first on When I Fail.