Total Failure – Burn Out

JOB GONE, MARRIAGE GONE, PERSPECTIVES GONE, DEPTH

Sometimes there are moments in life when it just goes down and it does not look like it would ever get better.

Is it just a moment?

In my case it wasn’t just a moment. I should have listened to the signs long ago but I just had no chance to escape until my body did not resist the pressure anymore. Locked in a relationship, based on love, misunderstandings, different characters and constant arguments, there was a moment when I was just sitting on the couch and time passed by until the nightmare was finally over. I was trying to get my life together but what was the purpose. I could not define myself as a happy husband and my health went down the road over the final 2 years, ending with a divorce.

I was 40 when she left and my entire life broke down over my head. Projects we had built together became worthless. I had no power to stand up. Due to my health issues I had stopped working, and what was left, was an empty apartment and depth.

Would I have the power to get up again?

Would it be worth it to fight for life in a world filled with problems and drastic changes of values?

I live in an apartment on the seventh floor and I stood on the balcony many times, asking myself these questions, while facing the moment when my head would punch to the ground after a jump.

During the final time of my relationship, my heart got cold. When it finally was over, I could at least cry again to let go the long lasting blockages.