Lonely after failure

How To Handle Loneliness?

A Personal Insight and Ideas to Handle Loneliness in Your Life

Dealing with loneliness concerns more than just being alone and it certainly gets different in a time when we communicate online more and more while relations are taking place on a global basis in the social media environment. We constantly meet strangers in the online world, we have never before met in person but many people around the globe are living alone and have to handle this loneliness.

If you feel lonely you are certainly not alone but how to handle loneliness can be a real challenge.

The trend of freelancing and working from home is not making this situation about feeling lonely any better for most of us and .

What are you doing during all the time when nobody is around?



Main Topics of This Article about Loneliness

  • Dealing with Loneliness after a separation
  • Personal Experience of living with loneliness
  • How to be Happy again in Life
  • How can I overcome Loneliness
  • Joining a Network Online
  • Participating in local meetups



Dealing with Loneliness after a Separation

When I separated from my ex-wife after 8 years of marriage it was hard for me to accept, that I was living in loneliness for a long time already inside of a relationship.



Personal Experience of Living with Loneliness

I am writing this on a Sunday evening while being alone at home and I just experience, that it is really hard to write about this topic.

Somehow I feel lonely but at the same time, I still don’t feel comfortable being around too many people. Partly this is because of my health issues but The feeling of failure, not working, having no money to spend, having no network anymore and being isolated is not very motivating but at the same time, being alone currently feels save as I don’t have to justify for everything happening in my life.

I am not the type of person who likes and enjoys small talk. I am more of an introvert and I like private conversations about deeper topics. It is not easy to be an introvert and it doesn’t make it easier if you like to constantly inform yourself about any topic as I do.



When I studied Physics at the University I found out, that this is a field of science, driving you into an abstract direction of thinking and few people can share this world with you. It certainly was one of the reasons, why I dropped out and ended my career as a scientist.

I didn’t want to lose the connection to normal people and dig even deeper into this abstract space. Programming is no better when it comes to a theoretical world, created in my mind. It makes you constantly think logically and sets you apart from the masses.

These theories are a lonely place to be and it certainly is not about just being alone physically. I found, that for many introverts it is very difficult to step out of things and concepts we create in our mind and find pleasure on little things.



When I broke up with my ex-wife I instantly found out, that I had been lonely for a long time already in my relationship. We are very different and while I lived in an abstract world of building businesses, programming systems and implementing concepts, she had a need for being around friends and just getting together.



Due to my illness, my independent working from home and the problems in my relationship I closed myself out more and more from a social life.

At the time I had almost completely lost interest in people. The changing environment and attitudes of our influencer plastic society stroke me hard on top of it. The entire hype of selfies and fake society, where everyone just presents the best self to dub the weakness and vulnerability is disgusting and I feel so far from this world.



How to be Happy again in Life

The entire online world seems to celebrate happiness, but what if you can’t find it for yourself?

I sometimes feel jealous of my father. He is a person who can find joy in any little detail. As an example, he was always fascinated by carpenter machines and checking them out in stores. Currently, the girls of my sister are growing up in a three generations household and he has a collection of stickers, books, toys, and anything kids could dream of. Needless to say, the girls love their grandfather as much as I love him and it is a positive feedback loop as their joy and spirit grow his own happiness and motivation further.

Unfortunately I can’t find this joy and happiness as easy as he does. I carry some part of his being in my personality but my abstract, spiritual side and perfectionism is a lot stronger.



During the deepest moments of my depression I was watching different motivational speakers and their solutions to find happiness but they hardly resonated with me.

I had traveled the world and seen many beautiful places, I searched the kick of adrenaline in extreme sports but I had to become clear that it doesn’t make me happy. I don’t like to go shopping for cloth or gadgets and few material things trigger my happiness. I like to have a good camera or a good computer to achieve something with it and I spend my money on things I need to progress in my projects and my business.



There is a philosophic slogan I feel very attracted: “I am building an enlightened house to live”.

This is very much what my life is all about. I started to build my company when I was 25 and during my relationship, we had built a house abroad and I somehow had a second home and a family there. When we broke up, this part, together with all the projects I had built with my ex-wife broke away and it left me with a deep emptiness in my soul.

The things that trigger motivation and happiness inside of me are deep discussions on selected topics and developing ideas to progress on long-term projects. Fortunately, I share these desires with my mother and my business partner and I am incredibly grateful to have these connections in my life.

I am living between this abstract, theoretical and sometimes spiritual world, but at the same time, I have the desire to bring abstract ideas down to the ground and implement them to achieve a very real result. I have visions and missions that constantly drive me forward and the biggest reason for my depression was, that I was driven away from my visions constantly.

Many times I struggle with the issue, that I can’t find joy in little things as my father does, but progressing through my depression I had to accept this part of my personality.



Through the SFM network of entrepreneurs, I joined in 2016 and by getting in touch with other entrepreneurs in the online space I found out, that many thriving individuals struggle with loneliness, perfectionism and accomplishing a greater vision are common amongst us.

Maybe celebrating small achievements can help you to let go sometimes and find moments of happiness …

Maybe it is perfection that drives you into a lonely space …

Maybe meditation helps you to at least find inner peace …



When I was left alone I started to communicate with old friends and found out, that some of them had struggled as well big time. Losing a beloved friend, partner or a family member, suffering in a relationship of violence, burning out due to perfectionism to name some reasons.

If you struggle, you are not alone!

I am 40 years old and I am struggling with getting back into the corporate world after 2 years of absence from work and almost 6 years working as a freelancer. Finding the job I would love to do in the corporate world is difficult. In most cases recruiters and HR want somebody with a straight CV, 10 years of experience and 25 years old. You get the picture.

What if I were in my 50’s? Everybody knows that in today’s world if you lose your job at this age you have almost no chance to get another job in the corporate world.



Without a job in the corporate world it is even more difficult to overcome loneliness. In a job, at least you have people around, possibly contact with clients, you go for lunch together …

By working from home you need to organize yourself. The good thing is, that times are changing. Co-working spaces are opening up.

You can find events in your surrounding about many different topics through sites like meetup.com.



I really think, happiness is the key to overcome loneliness as it attracts those, who you actually need in your environment.

I haven’t found my happiness until now but I am definitely searching for it!



How To Find A Network Of Likeminded People?

Network of likeminded people

I was never lucky to find good friends at work in a male surrounding of programmers and business guys. What I found here in Switzerland is mostly about the competition on different levels in a business environment. I certainly missed the personal aspects in discussions.

The globalization and social media open up a completely new dimension to find likeminded people all over the world. In the space of entrepreneurship it turns out, that most of these individuals are actually introverts and they struggle with similar issues as I just described.

Fortunately in this connected world we are living in, there are ways to find likeminded people through the internet, who share a certain desire, visions and missions.

Most of the successful entrepreneurs we can see online are actually introverts who stepped out of their comfort zones and communicated their interests and their problems they are dealing with on a daily basis.

If you keep your thoughts private, nobody will know you exist but if you find the courage to stand out and communicate what you constantly deal with, you become valuable for those who deal with similar issues as yourself in life.

Writing, audio and pictures are possibly your first choice as an introvert but without communicating through video it might not be enough.



At the SFM Community, we have a 90-day video journey.

It is a private Facebook group where everybody who participates uploads longer and shorter videos over 90 days.

Going out into the free online space directly and uploading your videos to Facebook or Youtube could be the way you choose but maybe a more private feedback group is more what helps you overcome the fear of presenting yourself on camera and standing out.

It took me more or less 30 days to become comfortable speaking into the camera and finding the best angles and the surrounding I feel comfortable with.



How To Find The One Person To Spend Life With?

After breaking up with my ex-wife I had a time when I was looking for dates and started to try all kinds of different dating platforms as I wanted to overcome loneliness.

I installed Tinder, started using Parship and Elite Partner, networks relevant in the space of dating here in Switzerland.

I didn’t find what I was looking for, but not because I still practice an old-fashioned mindset, to meet the person I want to spend time with in the offline space. Absolutely not. What I found is a space of integrity and fear to stand out in public and to find the one person based on certain criteria of the dating app system.

What I am looking for can’t be described by similar habits or desires.

I really think, that we have the chance to stand out online to the public. Dating is a form of selfmarketing. Those who are brave enough to get in front of the camera to communicate their visions and missions attract those who really care for our space.

At the current moment I am still ending my old stories but I am starting to become brave and stand out of the crowd.



Conclusions

It is hard for any introvert to get in front of the camera and learn how to communicate. Not getting in front of the camera is most certainly the reason for being lonely!

At least for me, there are moments in life when I went into some sort of a lone wolf mode to really find out, what life is about for me. It is not easy but it may be worth to take a timeout now and then to recapture what it really is all about for you.

If you are an introvert and you are looking for a private community I can just encourage you to subscribe with your email and become part of my network.

It is all about overcoming this fear of standing out and stepping out into the unknown.

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